FIGHTING TO KNOW JESUS IS RIDDLED WITH JOY AND DIFFICULTY, AS IS MOTHERHOOD. IF WE EMBRACE THIS, IT WILL BRING US TO A PLACE THAT ONLY GOD CAN BRING REST TO AND SUSTAIN US IN. THIS IS WHERE DEEP JOY IS FOUND.

You could have done more... You should have been better...

You could have done more... You should have been better...

"When my emotions are in a bad place, I am believing a lie." 

Wisdom from a wise and Godly woman that has stuck with me since it was spoken....

I have now been a parent for almost 8 years and the lie that I've found lingering in my mind is something like...

"You could have done more.... You should have been better."

It's there as I end a long, exhausting day. Reminding me that I rested during naptime instead of connecting with my oldest son. 

It's there as I look through old family pictures and wish I could go back to the chaos of that exact moment and find the joy in it.

It's there as I wake up anew, fretting about the future my children will have to walk in. 

Fearful that my instruction was too little or correction too inconsistent to bring them to adulthood with a Godly heart and moral compass.

It plagues me in my moments of discouragement and in my confident moments alike...

I'm often held captive to the disillusionment that this lie, is in fact truth...

That I could have done more...

That I should have been better...

This is exactly where the Enemy wants us... 

Held captive.

Believing the lie that bewitches us...

Instead of the truth that sets us free.

I've been here too many days and wasted too many "now" moments to remember.

I've held to this lie as truth without recognizing the bondage it has brought me to.

I've missed the beauty of growth and maturity because all I've seen is the sting of missed opportunities.

That I wasn't enough for them...

Then I read Gods words and see...

"The truth sets you free."

The disillusionment fades and, as clear as day, I can see the Father gently calling me saying, 

"I never created you to be enough on your own... I AM...ENOUGH."

In that exhausted moment where all I could do was nap... He was there.

When I was sobbing while looking through pictures of how fast the years have flown... He was there.

As the enemy tried to paralyze me in fears of how my humanity will alter my children and create wounds... He was there.

The whole time He is saying He designed it this way...

It's not by accident...

He doesn't expect perfection from your parenting...

He instead uses the mess we create to bring this beautiful truth into reality.

God did not create us to be all our children need.

Instead He made us so that our failures display their deep need of Christ. 

That they are hopeless without Him...

That even if they had perfect parents and a perfect life their soul would still be plagued with dissatisfaction apart from Christ.

He gives us grace to be human.

He gives us grace to display the gospel in our failures.

And He is faithful to fill the gaps we create.

The truth is I will be more and do more for my children as I rest in Gods plan that displays His gospel through my weakness and failures.

Though, I wish He would have chosen to work best through my strength...

He is trustworthy and I will cling to His truth.

That truth is... I will do my absolute best with where I am and Christ is working the rest for our good and His glory. 

That truth sets you free.

This is your moment...

This is your moment...

The MESS

The MESS