FIGHTING TO KNOW JESUS IS RIDDLED WITH JOY AND DIFFICULTY, AS IS MOTHERHOOD. IF WE EMBRACE THIS, IT WILL BRING US TO A PLACE THAT ONLY GOD CAN BRING REST TO AND SUSTAIN US IN. THIS IS WHERE DEEP JOY IS FOUND.

Weakness is our Ally...

Weakness is our Ally...

I'm an independent person. 

I usually enjoy a lot being demanded of me.

I set a goal and make a plan to get there.

I like to manage a lot at once (hence the 6 children:)).

And I don't like to feel weak.

No one likes to feel weak.

Then there are the days like Friday...

My husband was going about normal day to day life and was hit from behind on I10... he was at a rolling stop for construction and the truck was going 70+...

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I'm sure you can imagine his 17 year old 4 Runner was crumbled like a tin can...

The seats were dislodged from the floorboard...

The frame was bend in half...

The backseat, where my little children had been seated days before, was completely crunched. 

Everyone we came across was astounded that he survived.... much less walked away from it.

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These are the days weakness reveals it's camouflageing abilities...

 

When you see it's been there all along.

 

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That we have nothing to prove in displaying our own strength... because it's futile and merely an illusion.

Oh! To remember this in the day to day moments of life...

In the days sense, life has been oddly numbing. By the grace of God alone... Zach walked away from that accident with only a compression fracture to one vertebrae, a bad case of whiplash and very sore.

But it's humbling to see how fragile our life is...

That in one instant, everything normal can change. 

It's equally humbling to realize what has been all along... 

Our weakness glares at us through the difficult and tragic moments of life...

but has been equally present every day before that.

How beautiful it is to finally see it.

To be aware of our weakness...

And live out of it.

To boldly say "I don't have it all together and I am scared to see how this will all turn out." 

To see our insufficiency and not hide it.

To pour our hearts out to the Lord even when we're unsure of what the future will hold or how we will stand in it.

To constantly fight to remember the One who holds the future... and that He is good regardless.

To see the moments we feel weak, not as an obstacle to our strength and ability...

 

But as the CATALYST of it.

 

I guess it comes down to a self awareness that our illusion of control and strength is just that...

an illusion.

That IN our weakness HE is strong.

It's only in an awareness of our desperate dependency on Him that true strength is revealed.

May we stay in this place of dependency... 

aware of our great frailty and weakness before the One who is strong IN us.

You should get ANOTHER TV...

You should get ANOTHER TV...

This is my happily ever after...

This is my happily ever after...